Parenting is about influence, not the absolute control of a child's future

Society · Published 7 October 2026 Swipe more like this →

In short: Many parenting books suggest that if your child isn't succeeding, you are doing something wrong. However, psychologist Yuko Munakata suggests that predicting a child's outcome based solely on parental choices is as difficult as predicting a hurricane from the flap of a butterfly’s wings.

While the relationship between parent and child is often considered the most influential factor in development, it is part of a much larger, chaotic system. Research suggests that parenting does not act in isolation; instead, children are shaped by an intertwined web of forces, including successful peers, a culture of success, and genetic inheritance. In fact, a 2015 meta-analysis of 14 million twin pairs found that every measured outcome was heritable, meaning genes play a significant role in who children become. This intricate web of factors makes it difficult to isolate a single cause for a child's trajectory. Consequently, development is viewed as a product of many overlapping influences.

This complexity means that growing up in the same household does not guarantee that children will share the same levels of happiness, self-reliance, or success as their parents or siblings. Because of this, parenting is better described as having influence rather than total control. Even when parents attempt to shape their children, they may not do so in ways that result in the children becoming more like them. This phenomenon explains why siblings raised in identical environments often diverge in their personality traits. Therefore, parents should focus on influence rather than trying to dictate specific outcomes.

To support healthy development, experts suggest looking through the lens of relational health. This perspective emphasizes that a child's socioemotional, cognitive, neurobiological, and health outcomes are embedded within a complex system of relationships. This includes not just the parent-child bond, but also the relationship between parents and healthcare providers, as well as the broader community's support for those families. Effective interventions must therefore address the wider social context to be successful. Supporting the community is essential for fostering these vital connections.

General information, not professional advice. Spotted an error? Flag the card or see corrections and complaints.

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