The taboo question every new parent should ask before returning to work
In short: Deciding whether to return to the office after having a child is often framed as a selfless sacrifice for your offspring. However, economist Emily Oster suggests that the most important factor is often the one we find hardest to voice: what do you actually want for yourself?
When navigating the transition back to professional life, parents often face a heavy emotional burden. Author and economist Emily Oster argues that while many parents feel obligated to justify their choices through the lens of their children's optimal development, this can create a social pressure that obscures personal preference. She suggests that it is perfectly acceptable for a mother to choose to stay home simply because it is the lifestyle she prefers, just as it is valid for a mother to return to work because she loves her job.
The transition is notoriously difficult, often characterized by 'brain fog,' identity crises, and intense guilt. Amy Beacom, CEO of the Center for Parental Leave Leadership, notes that many parents are forced to learn two complex roles simultaneously under extreme pressure, sleep deprivation, and a lack of institutional support. She argues that this 'ridiculous' way of navigating the shift can be mitigated by proactive planning, such as establishing a return-to-work plan and requesting brief employer check-ins before the actual start date to avoid feeling isolated.
Ultimately, the goal is to move away from the idea that parenting and professional life are mutually exclusive. Beacom suggests that these roles can actually enhance one another; the skills required to raise a child can be applied to building a company, and vice versa. Rather than choosing between being a parent or an employee, the objective is to integrate these identities into a cohesive, supported life.
While many American employers currently lack the tools or training to facilitate this transition, experts emphasize that success comes from intentionality. By identifying personal desires and setting clear boundaries early, parents can navigate the 'expanded identity' of working parenthood without feeling they have to sacrifice one role for the other.
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Sources
- Summary by Intellect · source: 3 things new parents should consider before going back to work | The Way We Work, a TED series
- Also: Emily Oster: 3 things new parents should consider before going back to work | TED Talk
- Also: How to be a working parent? Lower your standards : Life Kit : NPR
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