Why leadership requires being both nice and competent at the same time
In short: The myth that leaders must choose between being pleasant people and effective bosses is a false binary. Dame Barbara Stocking, former CEO of Oxfam, argues that true success lies in delivering results while maintaining integrity—proving that you can be firm without being unpleasant.
Dame Barbara Stocking, who served as Chief Executive of Oxfam Great Britain for nearly twelve years, challenges the notion that leadership requires a trade-off between kindness and competence. She asserts that she is only competent because she is reasonably nice, arguing that engaging with people is the most effective way to get things done. For Stocking, success is defined by the ability to deliver significant results while upholding personal and organizational integrity.
Her career in international development was shaped by early observations of inequality and a commitment to community service. This perspective informed her leadership at major institutions including the King’s Fund, the NHS, and Murray Edwards College. At Oxfam, she championed a gender-focused approach because approximately 70% of the world's poorest people are women and girls, arguing that a poverty agency cannot ignore this reality.
Stocking's experience highlights the extreme moral dilemmas of humanitarian work, such as deciding when to speak out in tragic regions or how to navigate funding from governments. She emphasizes that leadership involves managing passionate individuals by establishing the right values and culture first. Once those foundations are set, she believes a leader must trust their team to bring more imagination and insight than any single person could provide alone.
This philosophy was put into practice during her tenure at Oxfam, where she observed staff in remote locations consistently behaving according to organizational values even without direct supervision. Her approach suggests that authentic belief in a mission is the only way to lead effectively; if a leader lacks genuine conviction, it becomes immediately apparent to those they lead.
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Sources
- Summary by Intellect · source: Women's Careers: From Oxfam to a Cambridge College - Dame Barbara Stocking DBE
- Also: Women's Careers: From Oxfam to a Cambridge College
- Also: Barbara Stocking
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