Moving from bystander to upstander: how to support others safely
In short: When we witness abuse or bullying, our instinct is often to stay silent due to fear of retaliation. However, choosing to act as an upstander can spark significant cultural change. Whether in the workplace or online, there are strategic ways to support those being targeted while maintaining your own safety.
An upstander is defined as someone who makes the conscious choice to support a person being harmed or abused. In digital spaces, many people feel a desire to help but hesitate because they do not know the proper protocol or fear becoming a target themselves. However, even small actions can have a massive positive impact on the victim and the broader community. Many individuals worry about being attacked for speaking up. This hesitation often prevents people from helping others online.
In professional environments, business leader Angélique Parisot-Potter suggests that when you witness something wrong, you should speak up, even when the situation feels intimidating. Taking this stand is essential for maintaining integrity in the workplace, though it requires courage to voice concerns directly. Parisot-Potter shares personal experiences of voicing concerns. She offers three specific lessons for standing up for what is right.
Online, effective upstanding involves two main approaches: direct support and public intervention. You can reach out privately to the targeted individual to ask if they are okay, offering supportive language rather than phrases that might increase their embarrassment. Alternatively, if you feel safe, you can publicly call out harmful behavior by posting comments, GIFs, or memes that state, 'This is not OK.' Avoid saying things like 'I would want to die if I were you'. Instead, try asking if they are okay after seeing a post.
Safety remains a priority. If you are not confident enough to engage directly, you can still assist by reporting harmful content to the platform, game, or app where the abuse occurred. For those who are not close to the victim, checking in with someone who is closer to them can also help ensure the individual is coping well. You can also suggest that the victim contact a confidential counselling service. Providing links to specific resources can help them figure out their next steps.
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Sources
- Summary by Intellect · source: Angélique Parisot-Potter: How to be an upstander instead of a bystander
- Also: How to be an upstander | eSafety Commissioner
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