Why do victims of domestic violence stay in abusive relationships?

Ideas & Philosophy · Published 12 October 2026 Swipe more like this →

In short: It is often assumed that victims leave because they lack the strength to walk away. However, Leslie Morgan Steiner's experience reveals a much more complex reality. Her story challenges common misconceptions about why people remain in dangerous relationships, moving beyond simple assumptions to explain the psychological grip of 'crazy love.'

For many, the concept of domestic violence conjures images of a stranger in a dark alley. But for writer Leslie Morgan Steiner, the violence was personal and deeply intertwined with a sense of profound connection. Steiner defines her situation as 'crazy love', a condition involving intense passion for a partner who frequently mistreated her and even endangered her life.

The complexity of these relationships often stems from the manipulator's ability to create an atmosphere of trust. Steiner met Connor on a rainy January night on a New York City subway. He appeared smart, funny, and sweet, with wheat blond hair and big apple cheeks. He seemed to believe in her as a writer and a woman in a way no one else ever had, working at an impressive Wall Street bank after graduating from an Ivy League school.

This emotional bond is often reinforced by shared vulnerability. Connor established confidence by revealing a painful truth: from age four, his stepfather had subjected him to brutal and constant physical violence. This trauma had been so severe that he was forced to drop out of school in the eighth grade, despite his intelligence. He spent nearly 20 years rebuilding his life to achieve his professional success.

Steiner's narrative serves to correct widespread misconceptions about why victims do not simply walk away. By sharing her harrowing story, she highlights how the psychological mechanisms of trust, shared secrets, and emotional validation can make it incredibly difficult to recognize or escape a cycle of routine abuse.

General information, not professional advice. Spotted an error? Flag the card or see corrections and complaints.

Intellect Plus is a visual educational discovery platform for exploring fascinating facts and ideas. Brain Food, Not Brain Rot. What is Intellect Plus?

Related

• A domestic thriller that became a global literary monster hit
• Why you might feel deeply attached to someone who is actively harming you
• Why psychological abuse is often harder to identify than physical violence
• Can a chaotic life find balance through an unexpected, fragile connection with a stranger?
• Can a single act of violence destroy the bonds of brotherhood forever?
• Why even well-intentioned leaders often transform into the toxic bosses they once despised.
• Why does seeing something adorable make you want to squeeze it?
• Why infidelity is often a search for self rather than a lack of love
• Why does walking through a doorway cause your brain to suddenly hit the reset button?
• Daredevils are not born; they are developed through intentional practice and mindset.
• The Linguistic Purpose Behind Our Most Taboo Words
• Why struggling through your worst days is actually a sign of progress

More in Psychology · More in Ideas & Philosophy · Latest · A–Z · All topics