Why your brain tricks you into loving groups that put you through hell

Cultures · Published 29 September 2026 Swipe more like this →

In short: We often think of rites of passage as mere tradition, but they are psychological tools. By forcing us through difficult or embarrassing initiations, these ceremonies trigger cognitive dissonance. To justify the pain, our brains inflate the value of the group, cementing our loyalty and sense of belonging long after.

The term rite of passage was coined by ethnographer Arnold van Gennep in his 1909 work, Les rites de passage. He envisioned society as a house divided into rooms and corridors; a rite is the ceremony required to move from one room to another. Van Gennep identified three universal phases: separation, where the individual detaches from their former self; liminality, a transitional state of ambiguity; and incorporation, where the subject re-enters society with a new status.

While these rituals are found in all known societies, their intensity varies. In many traditional cultures, rites mark biological milestones like birth, puberty, or death. However, in modern industrial societies, these ceremonies often become secular or symbolic. We see this in everything from military boot camps and fraternity hazing to graduation ceremonies and professional white coat rituals. These events serve to solidify social bonds and define new roles, yet modern versions often lack the robust reincorporation phase found in traditional tribal structures.

The psychological power of these rites lies in how they manipulate our perception. Laboratory experiments, such as those testing Festinger’s 1957 theory of cognitive dissonance, show that individuals who endure severe or embarrassing initiations often rate their new group as more attractive than those who had an easy entry. Because the brain struggles to reconcile the unpleasantness of the initiation with the reality of the group, it resolves the tension by exaggerating the group's positive traits. This mechanism ensures that the effort invested in the transition yields a stronger, more committed member.

Ultimately, these rites are not just about the individual; they are about the community. Whether it is the Spartan agoge, a Zulu Umhlanga ceremony, or a simple promotion party in the Navy, these rituals link the individual to the broader social structure. By marking the transition from one status to the next, they provide a necessary framework for human growth, socialization, and the maintenance of group identity across generations.

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